Trick or Treat

Halloween is tomorrow, which means kids will be trick-or-treating all day and night. I remember the good ol days when trick or treating was sweet... free candy? Doesn't get much better than that. I remember having the scouting report on the entire neighborhood before going out... I knew exactly which houses were giving out the good stuff like King Size Candy Bars and which houses were giving out the shitty stuff like toothbrushes. My house fell into this category of shitty stuff. We were notorious for being the house that gives out fortune cookies. Yes, not very surprising that an Asian family would give fortune cookies, very funny. Either that or my mom wouldn't even bother to answer the door. Other shitty things that I was pissed to find in my pillow case were toothebrushes, floss, off brand candy (cmon you cheap fuck, pay for the real stuff), or basically anything that couldn't be eaten. I'd rather get razor blades in my 3 musketeers than get this shit.

However, the good houses always made up for the bad ones. You know what I'm talking about... I remember my favorites as a child. There was the house that gave out KING size Hershey's bars every year, the house that gave out hot dogs- yes hot dogs- out on his drive way, the house that gave hot chocolate, and of course every cool kid's favorite, the houses that would just put out buckets of candy on the doorstep. Yep, I was that kid. I didn't care when those buckets were accompanied by "honesty is the best policy signs," all that candy was going into my sack. My friends and I would take turns holding each other's pillowcases while the others dumped all the candy in... jackpot! If you didn't do this, you were only cheating yourself so don't judge. Not my fault you were naive and stupid as a child.

After hours upon hours of trick-or-treating and hitting up all the best neighborhoods, my feet would be sore as hell. I always despised those fag kids that had their parents drive them from house to house while the kids would get candy. I'm pretty sure one year we beat one of those kids up and stole his candy... that's what you get for being a mama's boy. But once my sack was full, I'd empty it all out on my floor and count out and sort all the candy I had collected. I remember sorting all the good stuff into mounds and throwing away the bad stuff. So this made me think... what is classified as the best candy? Here's my choices...

3 Musketeers- Always underrated but these are delicious... I would trade my shitty candy to friends for their 3 musketeers... dumbasses
Milky Way Midnight- I'm a huge fan of dark chocolate, which makes the Midnight one of my favorites
Reese's Fast Break- Another one of my favorite candy bars of all time.. simply delicious
Kit Kat- Who doesn't remember the old kit kat tunes... break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar.
Snickers- Always a classic, and you gotta love the patrick chewing commercial.
Twix- Whoa, I almost forgot Twix... these are fuckin awesome. The caramel mixed with the crunchy cracker... unbelievable

WORST
Candy Corn- These are fuckin gross man... if you like these then we cannot be friends
Tootsie Rolls- Nasty... I used to make a separate pile of tootsie rolls and throw them in the garbage
Smarties- Not that these tasted bad, but I always saw Smarties as the cheap Halloween candy... not to mention I'd get so pissed when the wrapper unwrapped in my bag and the pieces spilled out
Butterfinger- Was never a big fan of the crunchy orange inside.
Starburst- I think starbursts are delicious, but they are on my worst list of Halloween candies because it was always a gamble to see what colors you'd get in your 2 pack. Everyone knows pink is that best and yellow sucked dick... so I hated that gamble and losing with a yellow and an orange or worse... 2 yellows!

Of course, this is just personal opinion. However, if you don't agree with me then I hope you find a razor blade in your candy.

Stop by the Wang household this Halloween, I will be leaving out a bucket of fortune cookies. I'd like to see a kid dump an entire bucket of fortune cookies into his sack...