The Meathead- these guys live for the gym. They're the guys you always see day or night, and they often make me wonder if they even have jobs.. I mean how could it be humanly possible to work out so much? They are the abnormally tan guys drinking a protein shake in the locker room and flexing into the mirror. They're thinking, "oh yea, you look good." Sweet man. They wear little muscle T's so everyone can see how jacked they are and, without a doubt, are always sporting a weightlifting belt, wrist straps, and another shake in hand. My favorite is when they wear skull caps... haha you look like a roided up Corey Mathews. Even sweeter man. They ogle themselves in front of the mirrors, lift their shirts up to expose their stomachs for no apparent reason, and high-five each other and call each other "bro". You can usually find them by following the grunts as they attempt to show that they are the alpha male.
Gym Babes- there's always girls at the gym that obviously have no business being there. These girls clearly spent way to much money on their work out outfit, which almost always consist of ridiculously tight pants to show off their ass and a tank top showing way too much cleavage to even emit the possibility of getting a good workout in. These girls smell way too good to prove that they are not exerting any effort, and sorry babe, that ab/butt machine doesn't really constitute as an exercise. Just keep talking and let everyone else stare at your ass. Thanks.
Meat tits- Not Mulligan, but the scary/repulsive chicks that are lifting more than men. The always wear nothing more than sports bras and short shorts to show how manly, I mean chiseled, their bodies are. Do these girls think this is attractive? They seem to always be buddy buddy with the all the meatheads (see above). Their boobs may be mistaken for pecs, and I wouldn't be surprised if I saw something resembling a package in their pants.
The Guy/Girl with the cell phone- This always cracks me up. Every time, there is always one person that brings their cell phone with them to the work out area... I can see right through the business-like nature you are trying to portray and see your true douscheness. Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't know you were so important that your friends can't wait to talk to you. Phone call while on the treadmill? No problem for them. Text message while lifting? They'll just text back with the other hand. Really seems like you're working hard....
The Biggest Loser- I won't make fun, because I'm in fear that I may end up in this category sooner rather than later... especially at the rate I'm going. Many times, fat people are embarassed to be seen working out with little results so they go late at night... usually past 11 pm. This is the best time to go to see freaks at the gym. However, respect for getting your asses off the couch and to the gym. Where's Bob and Jillian when you need them?
So true. What an ingenious post Wang :)
ReplyDelete