Drunk Eating

We often times wake up with regrettable decisions from the night before... some people wake up next to a beastly fat chick next to them, some are reminded of their embarassing actions/dance moves at the bar, and others are the nightly wrappers of whatever drunk food you ate the night before. For me, it's the latter. If you're anything like me, you can't resist the late night munchies after getting shitfaced with friends. The temptations of late night foods always overtake your earlier pledges to not do it... but when you're leaving the bar at 2 a.m. and making that brutal trek back to your place, it's hard to ignore those neon signs, the yelling of the hot dog guy, or the alluring smells of deliciousness.

This past weekend in Champaign made me realize how much I miss Champaign, not just for the uninhibited lack of morals and binge drinking that it entails, but mainly for the boundless spots to drunk eat afterwards. Here's my list of the top ten places to visit after a long night of drinking...

#10 Gumby's- I never really fell into the whole Pokey Stix craze that most UofI freshman fall into, but I can't deny... the pokey stix were unbelievable. Even the giant XXL box that they offer was never enough... they would undoubtedly be devoured by a room of friends within minutes of arrival. All sauces are a must.

#9 Bonnie Jean's- This was my go-to as a freshman living at Bromley. It was so close and I could never resist the lures of those giant slices of pizza covered in red pepper and parmesan cheese. 2 slices for $4? I'll take 4, please. It's gone through multiple name changes since I was first there, but somethings never change about that place... the freak emo workers and the delicious pizza.

#8 La Bamba- Always too far for me when I was drunk, but well worth it when I actually did make it all the way over there. Easily the best Mexican food when drunk... Burritos the size of your head just sound too tempting when you're hammered and the super nachos are loaded with regrettable decisions. Only downside is the aftermath that follows the next morning... but no one thinks about repercussions of actions when you're drunk.

#7 Jimmy John's - Quick and easy and delicious... what more could you ask for when you're drunk. It's slightly more healthy (I think?) compared to everything else in my top 10 and it is certainly more tasty than Silver Mine, who barely made my honorable mention list only because it was the closest place to my beloved CO's. JJ, however, is clearly the best sandwich shop in Champaign, and the #1 spot for novice drunk eaters. Once you step up to the big boys, you'll realize that everything below on this list is much greasier aka better when you're drunk.

#6 Hot Dog Vendor- This might not be in everybodies top 10, but I love this guy. He's like the non BCS team that makes the top 10 in college football... the total uunderdog. However, if you've ever eaten from this guy, his food is delicious. His hot dogs might possibly be the best in town, but his best product is, hands down, the tamale boat. If you haven't had this, then you haven't lived.

#5 Antonio's- Always a zoo after bar close, but since I never lived at Green St. Towers in my time in Champaign, I never fully appreciated Antonio's for all it was worth. The had such a great variety of pizzas that even the most picky person could enjoy it. My personal favorite was the quesadilla pizza or the one with the tri colored tortellini on top. You know what I'm talking about...

#4 Prime Time Pizza- Another one of my favorites, but it was ousted out of my top 3. In my opinion, this was the best pizza in town. Even when sober, the deep dish pizza from PTP was comparable to any chicago style deep dish I have ever eaten. The calzones were amazing and generously priced. Italian Beef Calzones were ordered at least once a week my senior year. I felt like I personally knew the delivery driver's by name. This is another must have when visiting Champaign.

#3 Niro's- The busiest place on campus once 2 a.m. hits and for good reason. If you went to UofI, then you've drunk ate at Niro's before, no doubt about it. So many great things to choose from, but my go-to's are usually the cheese fries, mozz sticks, and the chicken caesar pita. That sounds like an absurd amount of food to eat in once sitting, but trust me... it can be done. When I'm feeling really ballsy I'll go with a double plate gyro and some chicken fingers as well... There have been countless mornings that I've woken up to the sickening sight of oil soaked brown paper bags on the table and you know you have too...

#2 D.P. Dough- 3 words... Ranch. Buffer. Zone. This was almost my #1, cuz it's always my go-to when I'm drunk and hungry... but I remember how often times when you called at 2 a.m. for delivery, the wait was often ridiculous... I'm talkin an hour or more. Cmon, when I'm drunk and starving, I'm not looking to wait an hour. But when I did, the calzones from D.P. Dough were well worth it. Unlike many of the other places on my list... I'd eat it when I was sober.

#1 Merry Ann's- This was a no brainer for me. Merry Ann's has the best drunk food and the best drunk atmosphere, hands down. Nothing beats a diner stack smothered in gravy or an omelet with a side of hash browns and/or corned beef. It's been a staple for drunk UofI students for decades and as far as I'm concerned, I will be drunk eating here for many years to come when I visit. The service is exceptional, and Mary (all the workers at Merry Ann's are named Mary, as Curt once told me) is the best. Even the fat lady (fat Mary) that sits at the cash register never changes! Of course, the only downside is getting there when you're drunk, but there have certainly been countless excursions to Merry Ann's that we've defied the impossible to get there. Didn't matter if we had to play rock, paper, scissors to decide who was the most sober to drive, or if we went there after a long night of work... the food was exceptional every time.

Honorable Mention: Zorba's (Gyro's a hidden wonder), Qdoba, SilverMine, Giovanti's

A top 10 list of city spots to drunk eat is coming soon, but I haven't had enough time to try enough places. Currently taking suggestions...