Kyle Orton

There are several surprises in the NFL this year, but none bigger than the Denver Broncos' being 6-0. Sure, they got lucky in a couple games and down right miraculous in the Cincinatti game, but they've also carved up some of the NFL's elite teams in this improbable run as well. They made Tom Brady look like a scared little girl and made Tony Romo literally cry. Elvis Dumervil (who names their black child Elvis anyway?) has cock slapped everybody that tries to block him and now leads the NFL in sacks.

I had predicted the Broncos to win no more than 4 games this season, primarily because of their comical offseason. They brought in a new coach who wants to bring in his old QB from New England, which pisses off Jay Cutler cuz he's a baby. The insueing conversation when he found out most likely went something like this:

Jay: "What? You don't want me here? I have a better arm than John fucking Elway and you want to fuckin replace me with that one hit wonder Matt Cassel? I could throw a ball way harder than that faggot."
Josh McDaniels: "No, Jay... I did not say I didn't want you. Those were all rumors. You are my QB and the QB of the future for the Denver Broncos"
Jay: "Fuck you, I will not play for anybody that doesn't want this sexy rocket arm. Wahhhh wahhh wahh.. I demand to be traded, fuck you guys"

So they trade for Kyle Orton. My first thought, "Holy shit, there is a football god afterall." The Bears got a pro bowl QB with a rocket arm, and got rid of limp armed Orton and his grotesque neck beard. Finally, the missing piece that the Bears have been lacking since the days of Jim Miller. Just kidding, since ever.

So while the Bears are a measly 3-2 and Jay Cutler is still rocketing the ball down the field, but his 7 interceptions- particularly in the red zone- have doomed us in our losses. The Broncos on the other hand 6-0 and analysts are praising Kyle Orton like the second coming of Jesus. I mean seriously, Trent Dilfer, why don't you just stroke his dick some more, it's obvious you have a man crush on him by the way you speak so highly of him.

Sure, Orton has put up ridiculous numbers this season thus far... but how long can he really keep this up? Orton has completed 64 percent of his passes for 1,465 yards, nine touchdowns and only one interception (which was from a hail mary at the end of the half). At that rate, he'll throw for 3,907 yards, 24 touchdowns and 2 2/3 interceptions in 2009. . He has a QB rating of over 100 for God's sake, even Tom Brady doesn't have those numbers! Not bad for a throw in on the deal...

So just like in my recent post about former Bears running back Cedric Benson, who has revitalized his career in Cincinatti, maybe a change of scenery can do wonders for even the most dismal players. That, or perhaps Chicago is where good players go to die. The latter seems fitting from the likes of Cubs, Sox, and now the Bears.

Even with all the success, somethings never change however. Kyle Orton still has a noodle arm that makes him settle for the 5 yard dump offs or screen passes and Brandon Marshall is making him look better than he is. I would question if Orton can throw the ball 50 yards... Cutler can do that with his left arm. More importantly, Orton still sports the neck beard and it's uglier than ever. It makes red necks and Canadiens everywhere proud, and he has solidified hiimself as one of the ugliest players in the NFL. Furthermore, Orton still loves that Jack Daniel's... somethings will never change. Party on Orton!

Oh Yea Orton, hit that...

Look at this shirt, seriously what professional athlete would party in this shirt?! You look like a dirty hippie...