Asian Athletes

The Yankees just won the World Series for the 124th time (slight exaggeration), which again further humiliates my beloved Chicago Cubs since they still are looking for that elusive #1 in the past 101 years. I do not care, however, to write about this because I didn't even watch the World Series since I had absolutely nothing invested in the games, both emotionally or financially. The Yankees clearly just bought their championship, so although I do enjoy watching them blow it, I saw this one coming. The big story for me though was the big game from my main main, Hideki Matsui... World Series MVP.


I actually don't give a shit about Hideki, in particular, and I actually think he looks like he's a 52 year old man that may have seen the actual Godzilla. However, I was happy to see a fellow Asian represent. I love nothing more that Asian athletes, and yes, I may own EVERY jersey of every professional Asian player that has ever lived. Here are a few of my favorites:

Hall of Fame

Yao Ming - This is the obvious choice here... Yao may be one of the ugliest and goofiest players in the NBA, but he is undoubtedly one of the best big men in the league. Doesn't matter that his head is an exact square shape and he rocks the thin "beaner stache" on his upper lip, he just does work when his goofy ass body doesn't give out on him. I love rockin my throwback Yao jersey, cuz let's be serious, all sweet dudes love throwback jerseys. It sucks that Yao is hurt this year, but I can't wait for him to get back on the court so he can be the #1 rep for fellow Asian across the World.


Ichiro - Along with Yao, Ichiro is the class of his league. Ichiro is unbelievably consistent, guaranteed to amass 200+ hits per season and be among the top of league in OBP and Batting average. He's the type of player that managers dream of, and it just so happens he is Asian. Being Asian means Ichiro originated the "slap swing" that it seems every Asian baseball players has picked up. The only difference is, that corkscrew motion actually works for Ichiro. More about this later, but my hats off go to one of the classiest baseball players today and a soon to be hall of famer.


Manny Pacquiao - I was a little apprehensive to put Pacquiao on this list because he is Filipino, and some might believe that Filipinos are more of Latin descent than Asian. I'm sure I will have a corrective comment on this, but I don't care. In my book, Pacquio still eats rice every day and still looks Asian, therefore he is Asian. Regardless, there is no doubt that Pacquiao is pound for pound the best boxer in the sport right now and continues to show his dominance with every fight. It's even sweeter to me that in the Philipines, Pacquiao is not only the most famous athlete, but he is also a well known singer/rapper, actor, and porn star as well. Ok, just jokin on the porn star part, but that wouldn't surprise me. Is there anything this little guy can't do?!


Takeru Kobayashi - Yes, it's sad but when you're doing a list of top Asian athletes, the list is thin and I just couldn't leave this animal off my list. Competitive Eating Champion, Kobayashi held the Nathan's hot dog eating contest for god knows how many years, defeating fat asses and freaks for years on end before finally being deseeded by another freak. Kobayashi would eat hot dogs like they were chips and dip... and he patented the little wiggle to help digestion. Sick athlete, way to represent... I'd like to see him in a rice eating contest.


I didn't want to put half-Asians on this list cuz that wouldn't be fair. If I did however, the obvious standouts are Hines Ward (half Korean) of the Pittsburgh Steelers and Tiger Woods (Half Thai/Chinese) but that is obviously not fair because Tiger is also half black. That half black part of him is more athletic than all of China.

Honorable Mention: Dice-K Matsuzaka (Boston Red Sox), Chin Ming Wang (New York Yankees)

Hall of Shame

Kosuke Fukudome - There was no bigger supporter for Kosuke than me. When the Cubs signed him, I thought for sure he'd be the missing link to the world series. Man, I was wrong. I pictured a combination of Ichiro and Hideki Matsui, but instead got a mix of a poor man's Hee Sop Choi that tries to screw himself into the ground every time he swings. I still have faint hopes for Fukudome to pick it up, he did show some signs of greatness last season, but slowly I'm starting to think Fukudome doesn't even understand English because that is the only explanation as to why he just can't learn how to hit a breaking pitch. After all the hype, the only thing I got from Fukudome was a waste of $80 for his jersey.


Michelle Wie - Apparently all the best women golfers on the planet are Asian, because when the rare women's golf tournament turns up on sportscenter, the leaderboard reads as if someone threw pots and pans down the stairs and ranked them 1-10 in Asian sounding names. Number 1 is often Pak Cho Ko or Ding Dang Chang or something along those lines, but never Michelle Wie. She was dubbed a golf phenom at the age of 15, but she has never lived up to her billing. She has consistently underachieved and still makes sportscenter every once in awhile but nobody cares anymore. She was the first women to make the cut on the men's tour, but honestly this was a joke because there's no way she will ever compete with Men. Sadly for her, she's too ugly to salvage her career by being hot like other phenoms that flamed out (like Anna Kornikova, Maria Sharapova, etc.) She'll just have to settle with being ugly and sucking.... but I'm sure she is good at math.


Yi Jianlian - Dubbed the hip hop version of Yao Ming, he was drafted from China at the young age of 18. He's the prototypical big man that NBA teams love, he's a big man (7'+) with handle and can shoot. I bought a Yi Jersey the day he was drafted, and again was not happy when he was traded to the Nets because he never lived up to his billing and will most likely fade into obscurity. Doesn't matter though, cuz Yi is currently dating Asian pop star Shi Yanfei, who is hot as fuck which make sme wonder why the hell she is with Yi. Well done, sir. He's still very popular in China, for some reason I am unsure of, but I have still not worn my Yi Jersey and I'm pissed.


Honorable Mention: Hee Sop Choi (former Cub), Wang Zhi Zhi (former Dallas Maverick)

So to these people, I thank your for breaking the Asian stereotype and making it to the professional level. You proved that all Asians are not too small, too smart, and too good at math to play sports and I'm sure you still do suck at driving, but at least you're probably reaking havoc on the highway in a Bentley so who gives a shit. Keep representin and more will come.