NBA All-Ugly Squad

These guys make the NBA difficult to watch. Congratulations, you have made my first annual NBA All-Ugly squad.

Guards

Sam Cassell - Cassell perennially tops every all-ugly team and of course, you can see why. He was instantly on my all-ugly team the instant I saw him because of his giant alien shaped head with massive five-head (instead of fore-head, get it?) and jacked up overbite. He looks like he just jumped out of the Lord of the Rings movies and started playing basketball.

Marquis Daniels - I just saw him on TV last night, and I wanted to call the NBA to report a dinosaur on the basketball court. Then I realized dinosaurs are extinct and that was in fact Marquis Daniels. Not only does he look like a velacaraptor, Daniels looks like he is high at all times. Not a great mix. If you don't like the velocaraptor comparison, perhaps you've seen the movie Predator. Yep, pick your poison.

Forwards

Charlie Villanueva- This man looks like a cro-magnon cave man. Apparently Villanueva has a disease that makes it impossible for him to have any hair on his body... which is def. nothing to make fun of... wait, what am I walking about, yes it is. That is hilarious! Dude has no eyebrows!

Dirk Nowitzki- Dude hasn't cut his hair since the last time the Clippers made the playoffs. Not to mention he always has that stupid grin on his face. I hate to pick on the dirty foreign players in the league cuz when it comes to ugliness, it's just not even fair. Other examples include Manu Ginobili, Fabricio Oberto, Luis Scola, etc.

Calvin Booth - At times last year, the Dallas Mavericks would play Booth and Nowitski on the court at the same time... that was quite the sight. Literally.

Centers - apparently the theory that the taller you are, the uglier you are holds true. These guys will not be winning any beauty pageants anytime soon.

Greg Ostertag - I used to hate this guy in the Bull's dynasty era, but at times I felt bad for hating him because I've always had my suspicion that Ostertag has downs syndrome. Not to mention, another uncanny resemblance to another movie character... Sloth from the Goonies.

Gheorghe Muresan - At times I feel bad for George. Dude is 7 foot 7 inches and every ounce of that frame is just pure ugliness. Dude looks like he got beat with the ugly stick.

Robert Swift - As if being a ginger was not enough, Swift had to grow out his hair to make himself a giant (7'1") ginger. He now sports the pony tail/mullett and has 2 full sleeves of tattoos. He's got to be the biggest freak ginger on the planet, and he wonders why he doesn't get any playing time?

Josh Boone - Dude looks like a dinosaur with braids. If Marques Daniels (mentioned above) is a Velocaraptor, then Josh Boone is the T-Rex.

Joakim Noah - Hard to believe his mother was a Swedish Model (4th in the Miss Universe Pagaent) and his father was an international Tennis superstar. Joakim resembles neither of them, and more closely resembles a prehistoric dinosaur. And seriously, what's with the hair dude? Big fan of the Bulls, but Joakim makes them difficult to watch. Use your millions of dollars to get your teeth fixed.










Chris Kaman - This was a close race with Joakim for ugliest man in the NBA, but Chris Kaman takes the cake. After researching his ugliness, I found a similar blog to this that references Kaman's cameo in an old Arnold Schwarzenagger flick The Last Action Hero. Comparison below.

Honorable mention - Google these people and you'll see why. Some might argue that they should be on my all-ugly team, but this post would have been 20 pages. Maybe next year! DJ Mbenga (Lakers), Tayshaun Prince (Pistons), Yao Ming (Rockets), Sheldon Williams (Celtics), Hasheem Thabeet (Grizzlies), Reggie Miller (Retired), Tyrone Hill (Retired), and many more!

Who would be the coach of the All-Ugly team you ask? Only one man could do the job, that would be Stan Van Gundy. I am still convinced that porn start Ron Jeremy changed his name and became a basketball coach.... the resemblance is uncanny.