Cankles

These heels look like they are about to break off...

So I was walking to the train after work the other day, and some giant assed lady in a hurry was stampeding her way through the crowd. She must have been on a mission, because she was huffing and puffing... so I'm assuming she was either late for her train or really really hungry. As I ducked to the side to avoid being hit by the truck, I couldn't help but notice one thing. Her cankles.

For those of you that don't know, cankles is a term referring to a fat pair of legs that have no defined end of the calf area as well as no defined beginning of the ankle to ultimately blend the two together... hence the term cankles... calf + ankles.

Really though, how funny are cankles? I challenge you to not laugh when you see a person with no definitive shape to their legs, someone who's calves go directly into their foot. Hilarious. Not to mention, the word alone is funny. I love combining two words to make one... for example fugly (fat + ugly), scrack (the area between your crack and scrotum, also called your taint or gooch), slore (slut + whore), Crasian (a crazy Asian), and many more. Hilariousness always ensues...

A chick can be completely gorgeous and have one downfall of cankles and she is ruined. She instantly turns herself into the "undatable" category for most guys, next to the freakishly tall and well, the middle eastern. I mean seriously, who's gonna wanna look at those all day? Not to mention guys don't want to worry whether or not their girlfriend can do more calf raises than them...

Some naive women want to believe that they have "strong" ankles... but sorry babe... those are cankles. Stop kidding yourselves and do some calf raises next time you're at the gym.... or don't and continue to provide amusement for everybody else. Just remember... they are laughing WITH you, not AT you.

Thanksgiving Time...

It's thanksgiving time, which to me means a shit load of food... turkey, pumpkin pie, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, all that goodness. If you're thinking to yourself, "but Jeff, you are Chinese, you don't celebrate Thanksgiving" then you are fucking wrong. I love thanksgiving and I celebrate the shit out of it. Only difference is my turkey might be cooked with soy sauce. You haven't lived till you have a Chinese thanksgiving...

But that's not all that comes to mind during Thanksgiving time.... I also think about Canned Food Drives. Why you ask? Seriously, how many emails, flyers, commercials, etc. have you seen promoting local canned food drives for the poor? At my gym, at my favorite restaurant, even at local bars... they are accepting canned foods for the poor. Real nice gesture, but who was the fucking genius that thought of these drives and neglected the fact that if these people are too poor for canned goods... how in the world are they going to afford a can opener?!?

Yep, ladies and gentlemen this has been a problem for decades for poor people all over the world. I would be pissed if I was a poor person and got a box full of cans dropped off. Have you ever tried to open a can without an opener?!? I have, it's damn near impossible, let alone dangerous. I've tried screwdrivers and knives, and the result has never been pretty. You get jagged edges that only let the juices out but not the good stuff and you also have sharp utensils flying all over the place, nearly hitting the eyes/face/other extremeties. Great, last thing I want is for poor people to be losing limbs trying to open canned goods.

Not to mention what a tease you are bestowing upon the poor. Here's some food, good luck opening that shit! If I was poor, I would punch the donation guy and steal his wallet for my own food. Fuck the cans I'd say. It's like giving a blind person a book or a parapeligic a basketball. It just doesn't work.

I'm gonna open a can opener drive for poor people... so if you have any extras let me know! Forget donating canned foods.... save your canned green beans, cambell's chicken noodle soup, or chunky beef stew... you're wasting your time! Don't even get me into Ramen Noodles... first of all, why the fuck are you donating them in the first place?! They are delicious! Second of all, Ramen noodles don't cook themselves!

I'd like to credit Dan Lee for this post, he brought this topic to my attention and as usual, it is both brilliant and hilarious. Thank you Dan for considering the poor!

The Killers - Hotel California

The Killers recently recorded a cover of the classic Eagles song 'Hotel California'. The track is for a 'Rhythms del Mundo Classics' album, which is an album of covers of famous songs with salsa vibe. I think I still prefer the original version by the Eagles, but the more I listen to the Killers version, the more I like it. As usual, lead singer Brandon Flowers voice is captivating throughout the song. Overall, it gets a thumbs up from me. Check it out...

I've seen the Killers 3 times in concert, and they have never disappointed. They are amazing live and I recommend seeing them if you ever get a chance. The stage lighting is mesmerizing and Brandon Flowers commands the stage and gets the crowd involved. Whether Flowers is jumping all over the stage or slowing it down with the piano, you can't get enough. Not to mention when the organs for Read My Mind and Human start to play or Killers classics from Hot Fuss and Sam's Town, everything is truly amazing.

If you don't want to shell out the $50 for tickets, the Killers recently recorded a CD/DVD set entitled "The Killers: Live From The Royal Albert Hall" at the prestigious 138 year old venue in London. The energy at this smaller venue is amazing and I wish I could have experienced it live. However, I just picked up the set and have been playing it on repeat. Go get it.

Here's a classic video for my friend, Dane...

The Killers-Read My Mind
Uploaded by vodka33. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

"Not So" Super Fans

We've all seen the freaks that go to sports games dressed in ridiculous outfits and making a fool of themselves for the sake of the team. I've seen it at high school basketball games to college basketball/football games and even in the pros.

I love sports just as much as the next person, but you're not gonna see me painting myself team colors and acting like a moron to show my school/team spirit. These freaks are commonly referred to as "SuperFans" but I like to call them "SuperFags." I hate Superfags because they annoy me when I'm trying to watch the game, and I know that they are nerds that, for a short amount of time, act like a fool to get attention and feel cool for once. Sorry to bust your bubble, but you are still a fag and you are not helping your team play better by painting your body and wearing a stupid wig.

I want to know if any normal people actually look at these "superfans" and think, man those guys are so cool. I seriously believe that the only people that think being a superfan is cool, is other superfags. Nothing turns on a superfan chick more than a obnoxious school spirited blue wigged freak... cool man. These "fans" only want to be noticed, even it means demeaning themselves to get a cheap laugh. In the end of the day, nobody likes you still.

There are many ways to be proud of your team and to show school/team spirit other than acting and dressing like an idiot. I prefer the team jersey or perhaps just plain old cheering. You can even add a home made sign or banner to show your school pride, just please make sure it doesn't say something cliche or gay like "Sportscenter is coming up next" or "It's my birthday! Put me on TV." If you do, you are clearly not there for the game. You can yell stuff to taunt the other team and try to make them miss free throws, in fact this is encouraged as you get more and more drunk at the game. All these things can be done to show team spirit without dressing like a freak and acting like an asshole.

Normal Fan

SuperFag

SuperFan

Not So Jolly

I've always thought that the fatter a person is, the more jolly they are. Afterall, that's the origin of the "jolly old fat man" that we all know and love during Christmas time. To me, fat people are like big Pillsbury doughboy's... they love to be poked in the stomach and give a little chuckle when you do it. This would be the scenario in the perfect world, but recently I have found out that's just not the case.

I know this post sounds extremely arrogant and mean, but I just want everyone to know I am extremely nice to fat people. I'm a little overweight myself. But I've had some bad experiences with fat people so as far as I'm concerned, you guys started it first.

First, a little background. In high school there was this kid... I won't name any names in case he some how stumbles upon my blog, I don't want any revenge directed my way (Billy Madison style)... this kid was fuckin giant and he was a huge douschebag. I would ask him to borrow a pencil because I forgot mine, and he would say no! Who says no?! Obviously this kid didn't like to share. He'd say it wasn't his fault I was irresponsible... and I remember looking at his oversized body fitting snug in those HS desks and thinking to myself, wow you are a fat asshole. He used to shove kids out of the way in the hall so his fat ass could fit through and would just be a giant prick, period.

But to present time, the other day I was running late for my train so I had to resort to the last seat next to this obese chick. She looked at me and told me I couldn't sit there... and I wanted to ask why the fuck not but in fear that she might eat me, I got up. She was a huge bitch to other people as well, not just me. She wasn't even saving the seat for anybody, her big ass just needed extra room. What a bitch. I had to take a picture of this chick... just look at her mean ass face while she's playing her Nintendo. If I didn't know any better I'd think there was food on that screen.

Misleading Facebook Pics

So you're creeping on facebook and you see this hot chick. Damn, you just got to meet her. She looks gorgeous in her facebook pic, but when you actually meet her and/or creep on her more, you realize she actually does not look anything like her profile pic and is in fact hideous. Yep, it's happened to all of us... just another case of the misleading facebook pic. God, I fucking hate that. Such a tease.

I don't understand why people do this. Do you think we wouldn't find out?! Um yea, apparently you thought I was gonna look at your other pics and think you (the hot chick I thought I was looking at) was actually behind the fat blob (that really turned out to be you). I don't think so.

This reminded me of a time during freshman year. My very good friend and I were dying to meet this one girl that lived in our dorm. Obviously coming into freshman year, we scoped out all the potential hot girls in advance on facebook. Judging from her facebook pic, which was a sexy pic of her while taking a shower (just the upper body, of course), she looked hot as hell. It helped that her pic showed a little bit of skin to leave room for the imagination. Of course, my friend and I hunted her down, only to find a whale. We couldn't believe our eyes that the two girls were the same. I thought I might have had to call the cops as this girl looked like she may have eaten the girl we were actually looking for. Perhaps a case of mistaken identity? Nope, it was her all right. Needless to say, we were pissed. I wanted to demand that she changed her pic so others wouldn't be tricked like I was.

Also, it doesn't count if you ONCE looked like the photo you have up. You may have put on a few lbs and still consider yourself sexy, but the rest of the world does not. It's called reality.

It's like answering an ad to buy a BMW, only to arrive to find a piece of shit Dodge. So do everybody and yourself a favor, if you dont look anything like your profile picture... then please change it. If you don't, you are entrapping students with your false appearance and wasting valuable creeping time. We don't appreciate it.

I could use plenty of examples from my own friend list, but I won't insult anybody I know. Here's one example I found online...

Facebook pic - looks pretty hot right?

Yep, same girl.

Not Cool.

Happy Veteran's Day!

So today is Veteran's Day... a day to honor all the men and women that have fought for us and protected us from the likes of pricks like Osama Bin Laden and Suddam Hussein. I hate those guys! I do appreciate all our veterans for serving and I want to thank them for keeping us safe. However, there is one former veteran that has a special place in my heart that I personally thanked this morning on my way to work.

His name is John and he lives on the Jackson St. Bridge just outside Union Station. John is a bum and sits in this exact place every day with a sign that reads "Former Military, now Homeless Please Help Me" with a little American flag attached to it. Yes, this sounds sad but I think John lives pretty comfortably because his change jar is always full and I figured if he wasn't making decent money begging at this location, then he would move. But he doesn't.

I have developed a nice relationship with John as I walk pass him every day to the train station. It started out with me buying him a donut every Friday after work. You're probably thinking, well that's very nice of you Jeff. But truthfully, Dunkin Donuts has a 2 for $1 deal and I can't resist getting a donut after a long week and my guilt doesn't allow me to eat the 2nd so I give it to John. That day, John ate that Pumpkin Spice donut like it was running away. This made me feel bad, so I started giving him my 2nd donut every Friday (never both). I'd often switch up the flavor... maybe a Chocalate Long John, a Boston Creme, or a Manager's Special if I had a good day. John started to expect it on Friday's and to my surprise, he introduced himself to me and thanked me a few weeks ago. He also added that he prefers the Chocolate Long John Donut. This made me laugh, but I said no problem.

Well in honor of Veteran's Day, this morning I bought John a sausage biscut with cheese from McDonald's. I've never seen a bum so happy in my life. I thought he was gonna hug me, but I resisted because God knows he hasn't showered in months. I have no idea whether or not he actually served in the Military as his sign claims, but John seems like a stand up guy and I thank him for patrolling that bridge everyday. Happy Veteran's Day, John.


Sorry that I don't have a picture of John... I will attempt to take one after work today with him and update this post. Maybe I'll bribe him with a donut for a photo op.

God Bless America!

College Basketball is Finally Here!

College basketball tips off tonight and I can barely hold back my excitement. There is no better sport than college basketball and this year is loaded with champion caliber teams. The Big Ten is loaded and finally has a chance to win the ACC/Big Ten Challenge and my beloved alma mater, Illinois, is finally back in the preseason top 25. I haven’t been this excited since the Dee Brown/Deron Williams days… I hope they don’t blow it like the football team. I will preview the Illini team in another post, but for now I just want to make note of several marquee games this year so you can all save the date.

December 1 Michigan St at UNC – I think the Big Ten actually has a shot at the ACC/Big Ten challenge this year, which makes this match up even more crucial than ever. Both teams are ranked in the top 5 and this could be a potential Final 4 preview. I can’t wait to see these perennial powerhouses go at it; it could be an instant classic.

December 5 UNC at Kentucky – I love this Kentucky team because it is so young and has so much potential and it is exactly like every Calipari team… straight thugs that love to run and gun and, surprisingly, play defense. I can’t wait to watch them mature throughout the year and if they can stay together long enough, which is highly unlikely, then they’ll win a national championship sometime in the next few years to come.

December 6 Kansas at UCLA – First real test for the top ranked Jayhawks, that is because I don’t think Memphis will be able to compete without Calipari. Kansas is everybody’s preseason pick to win it all, again, and I don’t see many obstacles along the way. I want to see what all the hype about Freshman phenom Xavier Henry is all about, and I have a feeling this will be the only year we’ll see him in a Jayhawk’s Jersey.

December 19 UNC vs. Texas – I love it that Texas did not go soft in the schedule, but instead they have it laden with tough match ups with potential championship caliber teams. This is a dream game that I would have never imagined other than in the finals, but now it’s only a month away!

December 9 Kentucky at UCONN – This is a tough game for Kentucky that comes only 4 days after they play UNC at home. Will such a young team be able to handle their emotions for 2 prime time games in such a short period? Just another step in the maturation process.

December 22 Texas vs. Michigan St – This is the year for the Big Ten to prove they can compete with the big boys and this is a statement game for us. Texas is loaded with talent and if Michigan St. can gut out a victory, it will put the Big Ten back on top.

January 2 Kentucky vs. Louisville – Patino vs. Calipari, battle of the Italian stallions for Italian supremacy. I’m not sure which will better, that talent on the court or both coach’s hair in this game… I know my friend Pete can’t wait to see these guys duke it out.

January 16 Michigan St at Illinois – This is the chance for the young Illini team to prove themselves against the perennial powerhouse of the Big 10. There’s no doubt that IL will be up and coming with ridiculous recruiting classes for years to come, so I can’t wait to watch the freshman class mature before our eyes in this game.

January 19 Purdue at Illinois – Another big game for the young Illini team, only 3 days after their big match up against MSU. Both are at home, where the Illini play good ball, so I’m eager to see if the young squad can keep up their emotions for back to back games.

January 23 Texas at UCONN – I love UCONN because they are so well coached by Jim Calhoun that they make every game worth watchinig. Although they no longer have the big gorilla, Thabeet, in the middle… they’re still a very talented squad with senior leadership. I’m picking them as one of my pre season sleepers so this is their chance to show off on the national stage.

February 8 Kansas at Texas – This is my preseason pick for the national championship game and we’re lucky enough to get a preview in early February! These could be the two deepest teams in the NCAA and both feature explosive freshman that will surely be the difference makers. This is one of the most anticipated games of the year, and there’s no way it will disappoint.

February 10 UNC vs. Duke – Does this even need any explanation? The best rivalry in sports… only 8 miles separate these schools which means always a ruckus crowd. The only person more excited for this game is Dick Vitale, who I think has a hard on for every Duke player that has ever lived. I swear, he nuts his pants every time he broadcasts a Dukie game.

February 10 Syracuse at UCONN – Whenever these teams play, it’s a battle for the ages. I can’t wait to see what they have in store for us this year, especially following their classic 6 OT game last year that is still one of the best games I’ve ever watched.

February 27 Purdue at Michigan St – One day after my birthday, I can’t wait to watch this match up that will most likely decide the winner of the Big 10 conference.


Of course these are not the only big games of the season, but they are just a few that stand out to me right now. These are pivotal match ups that will be a preview of what’s to come next March. Mark these dates on your calendar, because you don’t want to miss these games. I know I won’t.

More college basketball previews and predictions coming soon…. I can’t believe it’s finally starting!!

Asian Athletes

The Yankees just won the World Series for the 124th time (slight exaggeration), which again further humiliates my beloved Chicago Cubs since they still are looking for that elusive #1 in the past 101 years. I do not care, however, to write about this because I didn't even watch the World Series since I had absolutely nothing invested in the games, both emotionally or financially. The Yankees clearly just bought their championship, so although I do enjoy watching them blow it, I saw this one coming. The big story for me though was the big game from my main main, Hideki Matsui... World Series MVP.


I actually don't give a shit about Hideki, in particular, and I actually think he looks like he's a 52 year old man that may have seen the actual Godzilla. However, I was happy to see a fellow Asian represent. I love nothing more that Asian athletes, and yes, I may own EVERY jersey of every professional Asian player that has ever lived. Here are a few of my favorites:

Hall of Fame

Yao Ming - This is the obvious choice here... Yao may be one of the ugliest and goofiest players in the NBA, but he is undoubtedly one of the best big men in the league. Doesn't matter that his head is an exact square shape and he rocks the thin "beaner stache" on his upper lip, he just does work when his goofy ass body doesn't give out on him. I love rockin my throwback Yao jersey, cuz let's be serious, all sweet dudes love throwback jerseys. It sucks that Yao is hurt this year, but I can't wait for him to get back on the court so he can be the #1 rep for fellow Asian across the World.


Ichiro - Along with Yao, Ichiro is the class of his league. Ichiro is unbelievably consistent, guaranteed to amass 200+ hits per season and be among the top of league in OBP and Batting average. He's the type of player that managers dream of, and it just so happens he is Asian. Being Asian means Ichiro originated the "slap swing" that it seems every Asian baseball players has picked up. The only difference is, that corkscrew motion actually works for Ichiro. More about this later, but my hats off go to one of the classiest baseball players today and a soon to be hall of famer.


Manny Pacquiao - I was a little apprehensive to put Pacquiao on this list because he is Filipino, and some might believe that Filipinos are more of Latin descent than Asian. I'm sure I will have a corrective comment on this, but I don't care. In my book, Pacquio still eats rice every day and still looks Asian, therefore he is Asian. Regardless, there is no doubt that Pacquiao is pound for pound the best boxer in the sport right now and continues to show his dominance with every fight. It's even sweeter to me that in the Philipines, Pacquiao is not only the most famous athlete, but he is also a well known singer/rapper, actor, and porn star as well. Ok, just jokin on the porn star part, but that wouldn't surprise me. Is there anything this little guy can't do?!


Takeru Kobayashi - Yes, it's sad but when you're doing a list of top Asian athletes, the list is thin and I just couldn't leave this animal off my list. Competitive Eating Champion, Kobayashi held the Nathan's hot dog eating contest for god knows how many years, defeating fat asses and freaks for years on end before finally being deseeded by another freak. Kobayashi would eat hot dogs like they were chips and dip... and he patented the little wiggle to help digestion. Sick athlete, way to represent... I'd like to see him in a rice eating contest.


I didn't want to put half-Asians on this list cuz that wouldn't be fair. If I did however, the obvious standouts are Hines Ward (half Korean) of the Pittsburgh Steelers and Tiger Woods (Half Thai/Chinese) but that is obviously not fair because Tiger is also half black. That half black part of him is more athletic than all of China.

Honorable Mention: Dice-K Matsuzaka (Boston Red Sox), Chin Ming Wang (New York Yankees)

Hall of Shame

Kosuke Fukudome - There was no bigger supporter for Kosuke than me. When the Cubs signed him, I thought for sure he'd be the missing link to the world series. Man, I was wrong. I pictured a combination of Ichiro and Hideki Matsui, but instead got a mix of a poor man's Hee Sop Choi that tries to screw himself into the ground every time he swings. I still have faint hopes for Fukudome to pick it up, he did show some signs of greatness last season, but slowly I'm starting to think Fukudome doesn't even understand English because that is the only explanation as to why he just can't learn how to hit a breaking pitch. After all the hype, the only thing I got from Fukudome was a waste of $80 for his jersey.


Michelle Wie - Apparently all the best women golfers on the planet are Asian, because when the rare women's golf tournament turns up on sportscenter, the leaderboard reads as if someone threw pots and pans down the stairs and ranked them 1-10 in Asian sounding names. Number 1 is often Pak Cho Ko or Ding Dang Chang or something along those lines, but never Michelle Wie. She was dubbed a golf phenom at the age of 15, but she has never lived up to her billing. She has consistently underachieved and still makes sportscenter every once in awhile but nobody cares anymore. She was the first women to make the cut on the men's tour, but honestly this was a joke because there's no way she will ever compete with Men. Sadly for her, she's too ugly to salvage her career by being hot like other phenoms that flamed out (like Anna Kornikova, Maria Sharapova, etc.) She'll just have to settle with being ugly and sucking.... but I'm sure she is good at math.


Yi Jianlian - Dubbed the hip hop version of Yao Ming, he was drafted from China at the young age of 18. He's the prototypical big man that NBA teams love, he's a big man (7'+) with handle and can shoot. I bought a Yi Jersey the day he was drafted, and again was not happy when he was traded to the Nets because he never lived up to his billing and will most likely fade into obscurity. Doesn't matter though, cuz Yi is currently dating Asian pop star Shi Yanfei, who is hot as fuck which make sme wonder why the hell she is with Yi. Well done, sir. He's still very popular in China, for some reason I am unsure of, but I have still not worn my Yi Jersey and I'm pissed.


Honorable Mention: Hee Sop Choi (former Cub), Wang Zhi Zhi (former Dallas Maverick)

So to these people, I thank your for breaking the Asian stereotype and making it to the professional level. You proved that all Asians are not too small, too smart, and too good at math to play sports and I'm sure you still do suck at driving, but at least you're probably reaking havoc on the highway in a Bentley so who gives a shit. Keep representin and more will come.

PMS

Obviously no one cares about women's soccer, and women's sports in general... but this this story caught my attention last night and gave me a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I was watching a clip from the latest UFC match or a potential Girls Gone Wild Cat Fight... but sadly reality set in and I remembered it was a women's soccer match.

Check out this video:




I'm not gonna lie, the blonde chick that scored the goal for BYU, Carly Payne, is pretty hot. Same with the rest of the BYU players... but I can't say the same for the New Mexico girls. They are pretty butch, at best, and most likely dykes, so I'm under the impression that is the reason for that girl's nasty tactics on the field. Either that, or she just had the worst case of PMS I have seen- but I thought chicks usually took out that anger on dudes and not other chicks.

This was great entertainment and women's soccer at it's best. The only thing that could have made this better is if the girl's were naked and/or in baby oil. In all seriousness though, this dykish bitch on New Mexico needs to get congratulated for putting in some entertainment factor into an otherwise worthless sport. She'll most likely get suspended, but at least she got her 15 minutes of fame.

NBA All-Ugly Squad

These guys make the NBA difficult to watch. Congratulations, you have made my first annual NBA All-Ugly squad.

Guards

Sam Cassell - Cassell perennially tops every all-ugly team and of course, you can see why. He was instantly on my all-ugly team the instant I saw him because of his giant alien shaped head with massive five-head (instead of fore-head, get it?) and jacked up overbite. He looks like he just jumped out of the Lord of the Rings movies and started playing basketball.

Marquis Daniels - I just saw him on TV last night, and I wanted to call the NBA to report a dinosaur on the basketball court. Then I realized dinosaurs are extinct and that was in fact Marquis Daniels. Not only does he look like a velacaraptor, Daniels looks like he is high at all times. Not a great mix. If you don't like the velocaraptor comparison, perhaps you've seen the movie Predator. Yep, pick your poison.

Forwards

Charlie Villanueva- This man looks like a cro-magnon cave man. Apparently Villanueva has a disease that makes it impossible for him to have any hair on his body... which is def. nothing to make fun of... wait, what am I walking about, yes it is. That is hilarious! Dude has no eyebrows!

Dirk Nowitzki- Dude hasn't cut his hair since the last time the Clippers made the playoffs. Not to mention he always has that stupid grin on his face. I hate to pick on the dirty foreign players in the league cuz when it comes to ugliness, it's just not even fair. Other examples include Manu Ginobili, Fabricio Oberto, Luis Scola, etc.

Calvin Booth - At times last year, the Dallas Mavericks would play Booth and Nowitski on the court at the same time... that was quite the sight. Literally.

Centers - apparently the theory that the taller you are, the uglier you are holds true. These guys will not be winning any beauty pageants anytime soon.

Greg Ostertag - I used to hate this guy in the Bull's dynasty era, but at times I felt bad for hating him because I've always had my suspicion that Ostertag has downs syndrome. Not to mention, another uncanny resemblance to another movie character... Sloth from the Goonies.

Gheorghe Muresan - At times I feel bad for George. Dude is 7 foot 7 inches and every ounce of that frame is just pure ugliness. Dude looks like he got beat with the ugly stick.

Robert Swift - As if being a ginger was not enough, Swift had to grow out his hair to make himself a giant (7'1") ginger. He now sports the pony tail/mullett and has 2 full sleeves of tattoos. He's got to be the biggest freak ginger on the planet, and he wonders why he doesn't get any playing time?

Josh Boone - Dude looks like a dinosaur with braids. If Marques Daniels (mentioned above) is a Velocaraptor, then Josh Boone is the T-Rex.

Joakim Noah - Hard to believe his mother was a Swedish Model (4th in the Miss Universe Pagaent) and his father was an international Tennis superstar. Joakim resembles neither of them, and more closely resembles a prehistoric dinosaur. And seriously, what's with the hair dude? Big fan of the Bulls, but Joakim makes them difficult to watch. Use your millions of dollars to get your teeth fixed.










Chris Kaman - This was a close race with Joakim for ugliest man in the NBA, but Chris Kaman takes the cake. After researching his ugliness, I found a similar blog to this that references Kaman's cameo in an old Arnold Schwarzenagger flick The Last Action Hero. Comparison below.

Honorable mention - Google these people and you'll see why. Some might argue that they should be on my all-ugly team, but this post would have been 20 pages. Maybe next year! DJ Mbenga (Lakers), Tayshaun Prince (Pistons), Yao Ming (Rockets), Sheldon Williams (Celtics), Hasheem Thabeet (Grizzlies), Reggie Miller (Retired), Tyrone Hill (Retired), and many more!

Who would be the coach of the All-Ugly team you ask? Only one man could do the job, that would be Stan Van Gundy. I am still convinced that porn start Ron Jeremy changed his name and became a basketball coach.... the resemblance is uncanny.

Gym Culture v2

I usually think of stuff I will blog about while I'm at the gym, so this is a continuation of my first post on gym culture. Here are things that really grind my gears...

Dude shaving while naked in the locker room... is that really necessary? Put a towel on, nobody wants to see that. Same goes for the dudes that weigh themselves naked... not necessary.

Dude taking massive dumps in the locker room, how about a courtesy flush bro? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Chicks, if you think nobody is looking at your camel toe while you do the vagina machine... you know, the one that spreads your legs to work your inner thighs.... then you are wrong. Everybody looks.

Chicks that wear only sports bras... yes, men stare at your boobs. Men are pigs and think dirty thoughts.

Dudes that wear spandex muscle shirts... you do not look cool. I don't care if you are ripped, you just look like a douschebag and everyone is laughing at you. Spandex just does not belong in the gym, period.

Dudes that wear wristbands... why the hell do you wear those? Wristbands were cool in high school basketball and football cuz they made you look sweet but served absolutely no purpose. Take them off, you look like a tool.

Dude that constantly hits on chicks at the gym... she's not that into you, especially with those pit stains bro, so just give it up. You're annoying the fuck out of everybody. And you're a douschebag.

Fat chicks that wear tight clothing... I don't even know where to begin with this.

People that stink... wear some fuckin deodorant, you smell like shit, literally... poop.

Personal trainers and sales people that work at the gym... you really aren't as cool as you think you are. You just think you are cuz you work around fat people all day.

All the people that take rec basketball at the gym too serious... this is not the NBA, it's a fucking Lifetime Fitness. It's one thing to be competitive, but it's not necessary to be throwing bows and talking shit.


I notice these things on a regular basis at the gym. I try to mind my own business, but sometimes they're jsut unavoidable. If you're one of these people, I'm not your friend.

What bothers you at the gym?